You went out to the bar Friday night a few weeks ago, knowing full well that you would be an obnoxious wasted moron by closing time, so you called my taxi company to take you there. A safe, courteous, and professional driver took you to the bar, and because that driver likes to hang out […]
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Open Letter: To The Gangsta-Wannabe Douchebag Weed Dealer That Lost His Pimp Cell Phone At The Bar
Posted: 16th November 2011 by Taxi Hack in UncategorizedTags: Douchebags
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Roadkill: Part Two- Rump Roasts And Roadkill
Posted: 12th November 2011 by Taxi Hack in UncategorizedTags: Roadkill
In the immortal words of Ron White, “I told you that last story to tell you this one…” My rather churchy and God-fearing wife sees the hand of the Lord in the most mundane of everyday events, even something like having dollar-off coupons on the very day that Publix has a two-for-one sale on three […]
A couple weeks ago, my mother in law was over visiting her granddaughter, and when she went outside to get something out of her car, and she said, “Hey, there’s a dog out on your porch…” And in a very “Corporate-American escalate-problems-up-the-ladder-and-get-this-shit-off-my-desk” mentality, my hunnee went outside, quickly surveyed the situation, and called out to […]
“Mexican People Don’t Eat Sugar, Especially When Its A Mixture Of Lice And Tiger DNA.”
Posted: 3rd November 2011 by Taxi Hack in UncategorizedTags: Politics
Alternate title: “Its Like Needles Come Through Grapes Now, And I Refuse To Eat Two Thousand Beans To Build Trust In These Crazy Cyborgs.” I’m trying to not put too much political content in here, but frankly, I’m a politics junkie, so it is going to come out occasionally. Obama is an abject failure, and […]
Halloween was kinda disappointing for me… oh, I got the usual parade of drunks and slutty babes, but now that I am blogging this, I was really hoping for a truly great Halloween story, but I didn’t get one. But then again, if you don’t drive a taxi, you don’t have a clue just how […]
Just Like Dogs, Wet Drunks And Wet Whores Smell Awful
Posted: 28th October 2011 by Taxi Hack in UncategorizedWell, Thursday was actually kinda slow… I hope they are saving it up for Friday and Saturday. I could use a busy (and profitable) weekend. But, one reason people might have stayed in tonight is because it rained a good portion of the evening, and it is supposed to be rainy all weekend. I hate […]
Halloween falls on Monday, so that means that there will be Halloween events Thursday thru Monday. I’m off Monday, but I’ll get the bulk of the weirdness over the next four days. I remember last year; serious alcohol, drugs, and bizarre behavior, coupled with weird and slutty outfits, and everybody throwing twenty dollar bills around… […]
Vignette: Word Of The Day
Posted: 27th October 2011 by Taxi Hack in UncategorizedTags: Drunks, Vignettes
In theatrical script writing, sketch stories, and poetry, a vignette is a short impressionistic scene that focuses on one moment or gives a trenchant impression about a character, an idea, or a setting, and sometimes an object. -Wikipedia A couple nights ago, I picked up four guys at closing time at a tittie bar… three […]
I get propositioned by women for sex twice a month, on average. Most of the time, there is no diplomacy, no tact, no seduction, no grace or elan… just a blunt, “Will you come in and do me?” Typically, it is a woman in her late thirties or early forties, attractive, moneyed, well-dressed, bored, […]
I had a nice deviation from my normal routine of wasted nitwits tonite… I picked up a guy named Guillermo that had 2 electric guitars… I played a little back in my teens and still have my old Strat, so we talked music and guitarists for the whole ride. He was a little […]