Taxicab Depressions

Five or ten years ago, there was a Mitsubishi ad with a girl dancing in the front seat of a car to the song “Days Go By” by Dirty Vegas… remember that commercial?

Ah, here we go… the You Tubes have it…

So I pick up two blonde girls out at the beach who need to go a long way… a solid half-hour ride. They are going to a hotel a long way up on the beach, but they are a little hazy on how they got so far away. They are both in their early twenties, dressed in flip flops and tiny bikinis, covered in sand, and really, really, (no, I mean REALLY) wasted. They have obviously been drinking, but I can tell they are on something besides Margaritas. It is about 10 or 11 at night, and they have apparently been at the beach partying since noon. I said something about them seeming pretty high, and the girl in the front seat laughs and says, “Yeah, that always happens when I hang out with my friend Molly…” I was thinking that the one in the back seat was named Molly, but then she also said something about how much she “loooovvvves Molly” and needing to get hooked up with Molly again next weekend.

Then I thought that Molly might be the dealer that hooked them up with whatever they were high on, or maybe a code name for drugs. I asked some college students I drove later about “Molly”, and they told me that it was indeed the slang term for ecstasy. I recognize that I’m 20 years past “cool”… I’m at least 20 or 25 years older than these girls and don’t take hallucinogenic chemicals, so that explains my unfamiliarity with contemporary street terms for drugs, but it also supplies some context for this story.

So they are laughing and carrying on for five or ten minutes on the drive, and then the one in the back kinda nods out. The one in the front asks me to turn on the radio and she has me tune it in to a rap/dance/pop station. I’m more of a jazz and classic rock fan myself and definitely not a fan of rap at all, and I try to make a little small talk with her to have an excuse to keep the volume down. But I find that I don’t really have a lot to talk about with her, and she’s more interested in the music anyway.

So we are driving along, and I get my first introduction to the music of Lady Gaga; Born This Way comes on the radio. She says, “Oooooh, Gawd, I love this song…” and turns up the volume. She starts bopping and wiggling her ass in the seat to the beat of the song, and soon, she is completely swept up in the music. Her friend in the back seat is still passed out, and the one in the front is just grooving, eyes closed, completely oblivious to everything but the music. She is running her hands along the sides of her body, breasts, and thighs, flinging her hair from side to side, shaking her shoulders, and then her ample breasts come spilling out of her too-small bikini top. She doesn’t seem to notice, and keeps on gyrating to the music, silently mouthing the words of the song.

You hear a lot lately about “distracted driving” being dangerous… I’m guessing that there are few things more distracting than a nearly-naked blonde tripping on drugs and dancing to Lady Gaga in your front seat. I’d feel better about texting the Gettysburg Address at the wheel. Fortunately, we are on the main drag going up the beach, traffic is thin, the speed limit is 30 mph, and I’m probably not going faster than 22. The chorus kicks in and the girl arches her back completely off the seat, with her neck on top of the headrest and her feet on the floorboard, and she is popping and gyrating her hips and pulling her bikini bottoms tightly up into the cleft of her crotch. She is humping the air and her neatly trimmed pubic hair and labia are nearly on full display. If I’m going to veer off the road and hit a palm tree, this will be the moment.

Now understand, she wasn’t doing this to tease me or to “shock the old dood”… her eyes were closed and she was completely oblivious to everything but the music. I’ve actually seen this condition before, but it was Deadheads on acid grooving to a 25 minute Kruetzman/Hart freeform drum solo while the rest of the band took a leak and smoked a couple of joints. At any rate, I was extremely conflicted about this scene taking place in the front seat of my car… I won’t lie; this was without question one of the most erotic things I have ever seen in my life. Here is a beautiful blonde about 22 or 24 years old, nearly naked, nipples rock hard in the cool breeze of the AC, gyrating her pelvis and caressing her body in a manner that I’ve never seen, not even in a strip club. I’m absolutely certain that this little hunnee fucks like a mink. It was intensely sexy and provocative.

And at the same time, something inside my head was screaming that I should poke her with my finger and say, “Hey! Snap out of it! Jesus, girl… you are in A TAXI CAB, not the Champagne Room of some titty bar! What the hell are you doing???”

The song ends, and she settles back down in the seat. Her suit is still wedged in her crotch and her breasts are still out of her top, her eyes are still closed, and she kinda rocks her head from side to side listening to the next song. Her friend in the back seat has slept through this entire episode. We are only four or five minutes from her hotel, and when we pull up to the lobby doors, I flip on the interior light, announce loudly that we have arrived, and quickly get out of the car to get their coolers and beach chairs out of the trunk, hoping she will get herself composed out of my sight. They get out and pay me, then wander into the hotel… the dancing babe has tucked her tits back in her bikini top, but she still has her bottoms wedged up her crotch and ass crack tighter than floss… just too high to notice…