Taxicab Depressions

In theatrical script writing, sketch stories, and poetry, a vignette is a short impressionistic scene that focuses on one moment or gives a trenchant impression about a character, an idea, or a setting, and sometimes an object. -Wikipedia

I was sitting outside a bar last Thursday nite, diagonally parked next to another taxi from a different company. It is a really slow night, but I have the advantageous position; anyone walking directly out of the bar will be heading straight to the passenger door of my car. Two very drunk and very slutty looking girls stagger out the door, and inexplicably veer left and walk right past my car towards my competitor. I heard one of the slutty girls ask the other driver through his passenger window if he can take them to a beach hotel that is about a $45 ride, and I thought to myself, “Well, that sucks… That should be my ride…”

I then hear the girl ask if he can accept a credit card. I am not above trying to swipe a fare, especially on a night this slow, so I said, “I can take a card”, but she apparently didn’t hear me. She opens the rear door and they get in, and the other hack starts his car.

But before he can back out, two douchey, muscle-bound, gelled-haired guys walk up to the rear door… one of them is wearing an “Affliction” tee shirt, a certain sign of severe douchebaggery. He bends down to the window and says something to the slutty girls, and starts walking away from the car. He turns back and says, “Yeah, we’re leaving right now… Are you coming with?”, and the two girls get out of the taxi.

“Well, I guess neither of us are getting that sweet ride”, I thought to myself. Twenty or thirty seconds later, one of the girls runs back to the taxi, opens the rear door, retrieves the cell phone she left behind, and runs back to join the two douchebags as they walk down the sidewalk with her friend.

The other taxi driver opens his door and gets out, and walks around to the passenger side of his car. I said to him, “Dolphin Shores Hotel… that woulda been a great ride… that sucks…”

He does not look pleased… in fact, he looks very pissed off. He opens the back door and retrieves a couple of small foil/paper packets from the back seat… they look like powdered cocoa packets. He looks at them for a moment, then turns and starts walking after the two slutty girls and yells, “Miss? Oh, Miss? You forgot your Luvena Anti-Itch Medicated Feminine Wipes! You forgot your vaginal wipes! If you aren’t going back to your hotel, you will probably need your medicated vaginal wipes! Hey! Can you hear me? I’m talking to you! How are you going to clean up that nasty vagina without your medicated vaginal wipes?”

I am laughing my ass off, and the other driver walks back to his car, chucking the wipes into the street. He sees me laughing and says, “Fucking bitches…”

And I said, “Dude, you just made my blog…”