Comprehensive Immigration Reform: Strafe The Border

Posted: 8th July 2014 by Taxi Hack in Uncategorized

In my post The Pig Trap, I posited that our current situation is not a left/right or liberal/conservative or Democrat/Republican issue, but an “us against them” issue… “we the people” versus the political class, and our current immigration mess illustrates that perfectly. The truth is that the political class of both parties are perfectly OK with the current chaos at the border, because they both benefit from it. The establishment Democrats want millions of new voters, and the establishment Republicans want cheap labor for their business donors… it really is that simple. They don’t care that these immigrants strain budgets, cause increased crime and poverty, burden our schools, prisons, hospitals, and law enforcement agencies, and hurt the job prospects of Americans and legal immigrants… like I said, they don’t give a fuck about you or how this shit affects you, they only care about how it benefits themselves and their cronies.

Let me say up front that I am 100% for legal immigration… come one, come all. Sell all your shit, gather up your kids, leave the shithole you were born in, and come to America… but SIGN THE FUCKING GUESTBOOK! Obey the law! America has very generous immigration law, and while it is not fast, it is worth the wait and the work, and in spite of Obama, America still beats where you came from.

I admit that I am a simple man, and so I simply don’t understand the perceived difficulty in sorting out this immigration problem… I swear, 535 taxi drivers and plumbers and nurses and bartenders and pizza delivery guys motivated by love of country rather than political benefit could fix this in a week, as opposed to most of the elite morons that currently inhabit our Congress, who have been pulling our dicks on this matter for decades. So right here and now, I am going to solve the immigration problem, single-handedly, in three simple steps. You read it here first.

First, we are going to operate from the premise that immigration is GOOD, if that immigration is lawful and the people we are admitting are here to contribute to America, not become a burden on her. And since our teacher’s unions are fire-proof and are churning out illiterates that don’t know shit and can’t tell you what any two Amendments of the Bill of Rights are and don’t give a fuck about anything besides Facebook, smoking weed, and the next season of the Kardashians, we are gonna need us some Indians, Japanese, and other educated immigrants if we are to have any hope of surviving as a nation.

Second, we are also going to operate from the premise that border security is GOOD, because serious people want to kill us. If you have picked up a newspaper in the last ten or twenty years, you have to know that there are some brown people out there whose only purpose in life is to kill Americans and destroy the USA, and we are conveniently letting thousands of brown people cross our southern border every damned day. If George Bush and Barack Obama have been telling us the truth and there is indeed a Global War On Terror™, why wasn’t the border sealed up as watertight as a frog’s ass on September 12th, 2001, long before the TSA started banning nail clippers, bottled water, and shampoo, and started groping our children’s crotches and strip-searching little old white ladies from Topeka in wheelchairs?

So, accepting those two premises, here is how we solve the immigration problem in America:

Step One: Strafe The Border

We don’t need walls or fences, we don’t need hundreds or thousands of new border agents, all we need is air power. My original thought was to pull some old Vietnam-era Hueys out of mothballs, but I realized that isn’t necessary. We have military bases out there along the border with Apaches and Blackhawks, and the pilots and personnel need training and practice, and we have our Nintendo drone jockeys that need training as well. Warm up the night-vision and FLIR gear, load the Ma Deuce, and fly the border. When a group of immigrants is seen approaching the border, lay down some fifty caliber fire 10 yards in front of them, and turn them back. I would wager that after 30 days of this policy, illegal border crossings would become exceedingly rare.

Now, if you are some liberal idiot, you might be thinking, “But… but… but… what if we KILLED someone?”

Well, that would indeed be unfortunate, but that person was BREAKING THE LAW. What part of “illegal immigrant” do you not understand? I have no more sympathy for that person than I have for a bank robber that pulls a gun on a cop, a crackhead that gets shot in a robbery, or a burglar that gets his head blown off breaking into the home of an armed, law-abiding citizen. And it does not matter that he was only trying to give his family a better life; he could have given his family a better life without breaking the law. No one gets shot at the immigration office in Tijuana… the line forms to the right, take a number, have a seat in our air-conditioned lobby, fill out this form, and we will get to you on a first-come, first-served basis.

Step Two: Remove All Incentives

No illegal immigrant gets a job or any taxpayer or governmental benefit by being here. Jail business owners that are found employing illegal immigrants, and even offer incentives and tax breaks to employers that hire only legal immigrants. No driver’s licenses, no food stamps, no Section 8 housing, no welfare, no school enrollment, nothing. Reduce illegal immigrants to the lifestyle of Sterno bums living under an overpass, and they will stop coming. In fact, hunger alone will compel them to “self-deport”, as Mitt famously stated… that, or get their paperwork in order.

Step Three: Deport Them All

People say all the time, “Well, you can’t deport 10 or 15 million people,” and I say, “Why the fuck not?” It took decades to get where we are today, and it may well take decades to make things right. Think of this as a long-term jobs program to stimulate Obama’s crappy economy, with hundreds of Class-B licensed bus drivers and pilots added to the job rolls across the nation. If an illegal immigrant has an encounter of any sort with a police officer or other government official anywhere in the United States, they will be detained and put on a bus to a new outbound immigration facility in Arizona, where they are given the choice to walk south, get jailed, or get shot. If an illegal immigrant is arrested for criminal activity, they will serve their term, then be put on the bus. If you are arrested with MS-13 or Zetas tattoos or affiliations, well, you will earn VIP seating status and will bump a poor tomato-picker out of his seat on the next bus to the border. The Mexican government let you in, so you are now their problem.

And no, I really don’t give a rat’s hairy ass if Mexico objects… fuggum. They have been facilitating this for decades, and I don’t believe for a second that 9 year olds from Guatemala and Honduras are traversing Mexico without government help. Meanwhile, they are holding a US Marine in hellish conditions, simply for making a wrong turn into Mexico, and refusing to turn him over to US officials or release him outright. And just what are they going to do, declare war on the United States? We could destroy all their infrastructure and military capacity in 72 hours, “Shock and Awe” style… this situation might even inspire them to get serious about sorting out their own corruption, crime, and domestic problems, especially with thousands of new Spanish speaking people flooding into their country every day for the next decade or two.

Again, if you are a liberal idiot, you might say, “But… but… but… what about THE CHILDREN???”

Well, with only one four year old child myself, I may be something of a novice at the whole “parenting” thing… but even with my limited experience at being a Dad, I am pretty sure I would not try to circumvent the immigration law of another country and sneak into Mexico or Canada or Norway or Iran or China or Russia or Bolivia or Pakistan or Tanzania or Croatia, thereby risking arrest, prison, and deportation, and leaving the disposition of my cute lil Punkin’ at the whim of some political bureaucrat in a place like, oh, I dunno… Pyongyang or Manila or Istanbul…

Mi amigo, if you are in cuffs and on your way to Tijuana, crying about your babies, I got no sympathy for ya… you fucked up, and you have no one to blame for your child’s predicament but yourself. Own it, Papi…

Now if you were born in this country to illegal immigrants, the current (but incorrect) interpretation of the law says you are indeed an American (if you can provide documentation of that), but Mom and Dad have to go. And if you are a minor, that means you go to the custody of another family member that is a US citizen, or at least an immigrant that is following the law and has legal documentation, or you become a ward of the state until you are of age. Yes, that sucks… but blame your foolish parents, and not the laws they violated. You do have the option to return south of the border with your parents, if that is what they want, and if Mexico accepts your American passport.

Again, if you are a liberal idiot, you might say, “But… but… but… America is a nation of immigrants!”

Yes, that is very true. But to paraphrase an old song from the sixties, “the times, they have a-changed…” The Pilgrims that came here in the beginning of our history got no government assistance. The British colonists didn’t get food stamps. The French immigrants didn’t get welfare. The Irish and Italian immigrants streaming through Ellis Island didn’t get Section 8 housing, nor did the Dutch or the Germans. The Chinese that flooded the west in the late 1800’s didn’t get EBT cards. The Jews fleeing Europe in the early 20th century didn’t get dick from the government. The Koreans and Vietnamese and Cambodians and Laotians didn’t get squat. All they got was FREEDOM and LIBERTY… and that was enough. They made their own way, worked hard, learned English, assimilated, and became Americans. But these millions of Mexicans are here only for the freebies and demanding that I press *1 for English, soaking up an ever-increasing amount of ever-decreasing taxpayer dollars, and frankly, we simply can’t afford it.

America is a country based on WORK, not immigrants. Get legal, get your paperwork in order, learn English, get a job, or get the fuck out. Problem solved.

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  1. idahobob says:

    Hear, Hear!

    But, sadly, we know that your realistic scenario is never going to happen.

    TPTB, and yes Gertrude, there really are Powers That Be, have obviously determined that because of their attempt to bring in “The North American Union”, a few years back, failed because of public awareness and outcry, they are now cramming it down our throats. With stupid shit lies, like, “the children”, and of course, with help from the lame stream media, and traitorous politicians.

    We are doomed to become one big nation, stretching from Central America to the Canadian border. I think that they will have a difficult time absorbing Canada into their wet dream, ’cause I really cannot see Great Britain letting go of Canada.

    Enough of my ranting.

    We are just plain fucked!


    • Mike from Canada says:

      We are not part of the UK. Not to be pedantic, but the fact is Canada has been wholly sovereign since 1930. We still swear allegiance to the Queen and are a member of the Commonwealth, but this idea of ‘the UK giving up Canada’ is a little narrow.
      I am surprised to find this idea still floating around.
      We stand with our American cousins, even though our PM doesn’t like Mr Obama very much. We have proven this time and again.
      Forget the UK. They’re done.

  2. Drunken Sailor says:

    Simple and effective. Two reasons our government will never do it, or at least as things stand now. Vote them all out of office and start over. Newbies can’t very well do a worse job and may actually remember why they are supposed to be there in the first place

  3. Woofman says:

    I think you have been sneaking into my brain and taking the words out of my brain as I sleep! It all seems so simple. It is our country! We should treat it with respect and protect with a lot more determination. I have been saying thing for years and people just think I am just a crazy old man. You have such an interesting way of presenting these simple ideas maybe this will get picked up like the pig trap. Very well said.

  4. jestersix says:

    Thank you Sir, once again you have inspired me to hope. Know you are not alone in your ideas, and that your voice may well change the inclinations of some that hear. As another patriot said a few years back – “It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people’s minds” – Samuel Adams

    You are running through dry brush, dragging a flare…

  5. Ben I says:

    Hello, let me start off by saying, “Yes, i agree with you. This is not the land without borders. We are not a land without laws.” Next, i would like to address the rest of the world. “Yes World, we do care about the children, if we did not care, then why are we pumping more and more of our money into your (foreign) sh!thole country?”

  6. Ben I says:

    (oops, to continue) However, you said that “…the current (but incorrect) interpretation of the law says you are indeed an American…” If you would please explain how that is the wrong interpretation (please believe me when i say this is not an attack, just a kindly debate of differing opinions.) The 14th amendment to the constitution says, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction therein, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” Now there is that part about being “subject to the jurisdiction therein,’ but what does that mean? Well the child would not have a state to belong to, the child might be a citizen of whatever country its parents are from, a “birthright allegiance” as it were. Yet, the laws in this country still apply to the child (and parents with exception to “diplomatic immunity” type of stuff.” Of course this was passed in order to stop the States of the United States from discriminating against the newly freed slaves. To continue, If you were to look at the revised statues of 1992, then you would see that this has been changed just a bit, to include a few words – “All persons born in the United States and not subject to any foreign power, excluding Indians not taxed, are declared to be citizens of the United States.” In this case, it is not a matter of the law incorrectly interpreted. It is a matter of fact (fact!!) that the law is being violated by the very same government that installed these laws. One of those people who violate this law swore (or affirmed) to “…faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” I guess his ability is not that great?!? Thank you for reading this, I await your reply and will bookmark your page for future posts.

    • moose says:

      “” Now there is that part about being “subject to the jurisdiction therein,’ but what does that mean?”

      It doesn’t mean just being here gets you citizenship. If it did, it wouldn’t have been necessary to include that in the amendment. All they would need to says is “If you’re born on American soil, you’re a citizen.”

  7. Cilla Mitchell says:

    Your writing reflects the thoughts of many of us. Agree with you 100% and so do many of us who no longer have a voice in our society. The bottom line, is we are so fucked and the only way to get out of this cluster fuck is to tear everything down and build it back up from scratch.

  8. Ben I says:

    Be aware Cilla Mitchell, that this sounds almost like the cloward and piven strategy. A strategy that involves overloading a “system” in order to destroy it. The goal of this nation’s (domestic) enemies is to this very thing, to kill what is in place and rebuild in their ideal fashion. I do agree that we (those that uphold and believe in the original ideals of this country) are in trouble. However, “nature abhors a vacuum,” and without strong leaders (such as those who signed the declaration of independence) to stand and keep the enemies at bay at the end of the fight, we may fall victim to those who now wage this war and are now ready to take over. One last small thing I feel the need to mention: The framers of this country did not get it right the first time. This country was governed by a different set of rules, the Articles of Confederation. Weak laws that could not hold up over time. Not that it was a bad idea, just bad function. IF we have to start over, we need to be able to install laws that are more robust to dissuade future enemies from trying to usurp this great nation. Sad but true that there is a mandate within the current Constitution of the United States. Article 4 section 4 clause 1 “The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government” i.e. consent of the governed. The very next clause (#2) is one of the biggest violations this current administration is perpetrating “and shall protect each of them against Invasion”

  9. Ken says:

    Nice job. The solution is simple. It isn’t easy, but it is simple. It requires political courage, so…..

  10. fnord says:

    I agree with a lot of your viewpoints on border security but I think you are being unfair to a lot of those who cross. They actually do work, thats why the politicians love them. They work underpaid manual labour a lot of them. Thats hard work.

  11. tic ... tic ... BOOM says:

    Agree with your analysis. Unless border crossings are completely secured, chaos will rule. In my suburban neighborhood, I can count on only one other family. I don’t know for sure, but I will wager that most voted for liberal politicians even though it against their best interests. I can’t even count on my siblings to stand against tyranny. They will come running to my home asking for my help when they have laughed at me for saying that chaos is possible or probable. I will complete my thoughts later. It is very depressing.

  12. The problem is that you are still offering suggestions to the US Government on what to “do”, and they ain’t “doin'” nothing. And every movement that starts up by disgusted and angry common people is threatened with riot police and the IRS.

    Somehow, some-when, our system of government was taken over by a bloated, repressive and greedy criminal gang and that gang is mostly supported by nearly half the citizens in the US. It’s as if they walked everyone through a gate and at that gate they asked if that person would accept rule without accountability in exchange for a promise to provide free sustenance and a wink at any chemical or depraved diversion. And anyone who would not has been sent to make their way in a barren and dry wasteland.

    “If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.” George Orwell.
    We can now see the boot, soon we will feel it.

  13. DogBoy The Cat says:

    They all seem like great ideas to me.
    Good luck implementing any of them.

  14. Rancher Dan says:

    Thank you sir, for saying something that most of us have been thinking for a long time. We are truly at that awkward moment in our history of try to change things within the system or …… Well you know the rest.

  15. Gyrorex says:

    My hat is off to you sir!! I have long said that the easiest way to stop the flow is to “Put a few floaters in the river” and the problem will take care of itself. However, that would take balls the size of watermelons from our “gummint”! Not going to happen. But for an idea of what could happen, Google “Operation Wetback” from back in the forties and fifties! Some of our fore fathers had some watermelons!!! Thanks for your succinct observations of our rapidly deteriorating society. Keep educating the rabble one at a time!

  16. Randy says:

    You are saying what I’ve said for years.
    1. Seal the border.
    2. Stop all benefits for all illegals.
    3. Create a biometric ID system for immigrant workers (retina scan or fingerprints). Require all employers to be equipped with a reasonably priced scanner hooked up to a web based system. In other words, if the scan identifies Green Card carrying Pedro, it is indeed Pedro and he is legal to work. There won’t be a dozen other “Pedros” using the some documents and numbers. This will prevent any excuses for employing illegals. Then, every illegal caught working would cause a big fine, maybe $20,000, to be levied towards the employer.
    4. Illegal? NO JOB, NO BENEFITS. Might as well stay South of the border then!

  17. Macrina says:

    This is the realest. Sending this to my mom so she can see what a sensible man you are. She hate that all these damn immigrants are getting in illegally, like myself. This is an amazing plan and I just wish that this would happen. Unfortunately, our president wants them to come in, and he is a jackass.

  18. SlickWilly says:

    It would seem that certain ‘people of indefinite nationality’ would like to assert that the United States, or large portions thereof, belong to a certain ethnic group, and the Caucasians should leave, or at least shut up. We are just immigrants, they say, and stole the land for the true owners, the ‘native americans.’ These folks want much of the United States to be returned to Mexico (who has done SUCH a good job with what they have already… /sarcasm)

    Yes, my great-great-blah blah grandparents came to this country as immigrants, but their children were NATIVE American Citizens. Not native American as in teepees and buffalo hunts, but in terms of citizenship in the United States of America.

    If you want to start the game of saying that makes ME an immigrant, we can do that too.
    It all just depends on how far back you wish to go…

    My family started showing up in the 1600s.

    Most Hispanics have European blood from Spain starting back in the 1500s: that makes them immigrants to the entire new world just as I am.

    According to the Smithsonian, the ‘Native Americans’ (Incans, Aztecs, Apache, you name ‘em) invaded the new world via land bridge around 7,000 years ago, and were not the first to do so. They were Asian Steppe people (for the most part) following the wild game; those already here (Clovis people, with European skull characteristics) were either destroyed, enslaved, or died out.

    The Clovis people arrived as much as 12,000 years ago, and could still be considered immigrants, since man ‘evolved’ in Africa and NOBODY originated in the new world!

    Since 99.999% of the Hispanic and Indian inhabitants of the new world have ancestors showing up as recently as 7,000 years ago, they are also ‘immigrants by this standard.’

    Heck, the Arabs and the Jews are STILL arguing over land disputes from 5,000 years ago: who is an immigrant there?

    Back on point: What does it matter if your family arrived in America 400, 600, or 7,000 years ago? We are not talking about ancient history, but about civilized nation states, who sign treaties, make war, conquer, or cede land to each other.

    Mexico gave up her rights north of the border when she scrapped the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, telling the INVITED gringo Mexican citizens in Texas that they were no longer citizens and had none of the rights promised them when they moved there. You see, the gringos were asked to settle in Texas, because they would be loyal to Mexico and were industrious. Ads were placed in newspapers along the east coast to bring them in.

    Yes, they were lured in, granted citizenship, developed infrastructure and farms, but suddenly must leave or be subject to lawlessness by the Mexican government. That action led directly to the loss of Mexico’s northern provinces (remember the Alamo?), and is binding to this day. The Mexican regime of that time showed a substantial lack of good faith in dealings with other nations, and (like many other nations before and since) paid for their arrogance.

    Let’s look at each side of the border today: deserts to the north bloom, highways promote commerce, and the rule of law (mostly) protects the innocent. South of that border? Not so much. Deserts are still arid wastelands. Gangs kill without consequences, many times with the blessing of the corrupt government. Citizens are serfs, and the rule of law is a joke. And groups like La Raza (and how is a group calling itself ‘the race’ not racist?) want to return whole states to that system…

    The great Southwest is far better off with the border where it is.

    And the ‘norteamericanos’ (aka ‘gringos’) will fight to keep it that way.

  19. SlickWilly says:

    So my daughter got flu this spring. The doctor said that the flu shot is only 23% effective this year in North America. The ‘NORTH’ part intrigued me.

    I research things routinely on the Internet. Last night I read up on what the CDC has on flu strains and how vaccines are created. It turns out that vaccines are regional, based on flu strains expected in that region. So if type A strain H1N1 (“swine flu”) is expected in in North America, that will be included in three or four strains included in that vaccine.

    The problem is that the predominant strain showed up in late August and September, after production started. This is a H3N7 variant, which can cause more deaths statistically than the ones in the vaccine, ‘extra’ deaths. Not only that, it suddenly appeared in geographically diverse locations at the same time.

    This variant is well know to scientists, and has been tracked for years. In fact, it WAS included in the cocktail for another region… Central and South America. In other words, this deadlier strain was expected this year in that region, but not here.

    So how did it get here? In the late August and September time frame?

    Who came to this country at that time from that region? The illegal immigrant children! They were then dispersed across the fruited plain by the Administration.

    Does this mean that the extra deaths from this flu season can be traced to the politics of the regime?

    Or did I just qualify for my tinfoil hat?